


Dante's Inferno rewritten for Twitter

by Dizzojay



Category: La Divina Commedia | The Divine Comedy - Dante Alighieri
Genre: GISHWHES, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-16
Updated: 2020-08-16
Packaged: 2021-03-05 20:48:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 343
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25941607
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dizzojay/pseuds/Dizzojay
Summary: Written for GISH 2020, task 101: Epic poems are, well, epic. But they're also way too long. Re-write a classic epic poem such as Beowulf or the Iliad for modern attention spans — as a tweet-thread of no more than 10 tweets.I chose to re-write Dante's Inferno.
Comments: 2
Kudos: 9





	Dante's Inferno rewritten for Twitter

Tweet 1

Lost in the woods. Damn satnav.   
Rescued by some Dude called Virgil. Maybe he’s parked Thunderbird 2 back out on the highway.  
Though I don’t remember that Virgil wearing a toga… 

Tweet 2

Thunderbird guy has taken me to Hell.  
WORST. RESCUE. EVER.

Tweet 3

There are nine circles in Hell, who knew?  
First circle of Hell is called Limbo.   
It’s fairly mellow down here, for Hell, anyways. Not sure if that smell is pot or sulphur.

Tweet 4

Second and third circles of hell are reserved for lustful and gluttonous people.  
Must ask Thunderbird dude where I can buy a season ticket.  
Fourth circle is for people who hoard money and spend it selfishly. No danger of me ever ending up here then.

Tweet 5

Fifth circle of hell is for the wrathful and sullen. We’ve only been here five minutes, and I’m sure I’ve seen at least two ex-girlfriends, and my high school Chemistry teacher.

Tweet 6

Stopping off at the City of Dis. Who on Earth (OK, or in Hell) calls a place ‘Dis’?  
Maybe some adenoidal twerp in the Planning department with a laser pointer and a flip chart said, ‘hey, I’ve got some ideas, we could call it this…’

Tweet 7

Sixth circle of Hell is for Heretics, and the seventh is for violent people.  
I wonder what do you do if you’re a violent heretic? Do you kinda hotdesk or something?

Tweet 8

Wow, we’re a long way down now. I hope the elevator’s working on the way back up.  
This is the eighth circle of Hell, and it’s reserved for fraudsters, liars, thieves and hypocrites.  
This place must be rammed with Politicians.

Tweet 9

At the ninth and lowest circle now and it’s freaking cold. There are thousands of heads sticking out of a giant ice lake and Lucifer who's about a hundred feet high, naked and glowy with goat legs, is sitting there chowing down on Cassius, Brutus and Judas. 

Tweet 10

Yup, that smell in circle 1 was definitely pot…

xxxxx

end


End file.
